Dear Bee,

We did it! Today marks the end of our crazy bible school that we decided to do right at the beginning of our marriage. I still can't believe we made it through and that we are going to Asia this summer! What an adventurous life we lead! I'm praying and hoping for our future now - a wonderful season of open doors! Or prison. Who knows?

Ha! I may sound slightly crazy but I just trust that Jesus will protect us and guide us further than we could ever go on our own. I mean really, is there any way we could have gotten where we are today without the help of God and countless servants who love Him?

I feel slightly ill at ease being done with CSBS. Lots of questions arise about how we'll continue to use the truth, perspective, and anointing we have gained - but in the end, we must simply remain faithful to our Jesus. That is what matters.

There's so much more to say but you know I would much rather say it face to face. So I will. One week from today we'll be hopping on a plane to the other side of the world! His Kingdom Come!

With sincerest love,

Spencer

Dear Bee,

Your grace is inhuman. Your mercy and understanding are not of this world. When you tell me you love me, really love me, while looking into imperfect eyes, I must catch myself not to think you yourself are perfect. But my God, aren't you close? I can see the compassion he has etched into the very tissue of your heart and the wisdom that is grooved along your mind. You are my greatest gift and I do not deserve you. But like grace, you come regardless. Love is an inadequate word in this language to describe what I feel for you. It's why these letters have been sparse lately. My tongue can't manufacture more praise without sounding idolatrous or repetitive. But please know that you are my one. You are the definition of beauty in my mind. And I adore you.

Love,

Hubs

Dear Bee,

I happen to be experiencing a strange sensation that I have realized I find myself replaying over and over since our wedding day. I was just in our room, getting ready for the day, when I realized that I feel the same way I did when I was waiting to see you come around the corner, and down the aisle.

Dear Bee,

The letters stopped for a little bit. The last couple weeks have been so stressful with school and with going back to visit home that I simply haven't found the time to really say how I feel. I'm sorry for that. But I'm so happy that we got to go on a date yesterday to MyThai. It was nice to just run off this crazy base and breathe together. I hope that in the coming weeks we have a lot more time for that. Something you said yesterday has been on my mind though. You said that sometimes you feel bad that your dreams seem to take the front seat over mine. And it's not that I don't have any - you just simply feel like I am not allowing room for my dreams.

Let me help you understand. My whole life, I have wanted to be a husband and a father. Something in me just inherently wanted to be known the way you now know me, and to hold my children in my arms and grow them to be way better humans than I ever was. My dream ends there. Anything beyond that is simply grace and a gift from God. My callings, my ventures, my business, and my ministry are all simply blessings from God that I get to walk out in conjunction with my dream come true. The honest truth is, I just want to be a man, a dad, a husband, and a lover of God. The dream is becoming the best of these forms that I can become. I know you have so many dreams - of cooking school, of traveling the world and sharing Jesus across the globe, of raising a family and children that love God and make Him known… and I'm with you in all these things. They're all my dream! They all make me want to jump for joy, because you are my dream. Your future is my dream.
I'm not just trying to sound nice. I really mean it. I don't have some spectacular vision (though I'm not closed to it coming). But I know the calling of God on my life has been as a friend, as a brother, as a Son, and as a Lover. I'll persist in these callings until (perhaps) God gives me a crazy picture of where my call will take me.

Regardless, I'm with you until the end.
Hubs

Dear Beccah,
I don't think this letter will be a long one. Because I'll talk to you later about today. I just want to know how to be a better husband to you. I feel like somehow, some way I could be doing better. You said yesterday that its just this period in time, it's not me that is making you dad or making me sad.

I'm sorry that these letters have to so frequently ring the mourning bell. But that's just how we feel right now. I'm praying that these glimmers of light in our dark days blow up into displays of glory by God's grace. All I can do is pray that things look up.

I feel like writing all this out makes life sound far more melodramatic than it stands in reality. Oh, well.

With Love,
Spencer

Dear Beccah,
I've honestly been thinking a lot about a lot of different people and issues lately, and I may have been passing over you. Maybe it's because you don't mourn as publicly or speak as openly as I (so drastically) do, but I haven't been noticing the ways that you are trying to deal with everything that has happened the last couple months - health issues, disappointment from trusted friends, losing your grandpa, and all the burdens you help your friends carry with that huge heart and those ripped biceps of yours. I hope that I can understand you and your proccess better. Grief and loss hit everyone differently and you handle what's on your plate so gracefully, responsibly, and gently. I'm thankful to have the inside scoop on your internal proccess. It's beautiful to know and love another person so intimately.

That all being said, I will go back to laying naked in this bed next to you because its so blasphemously hot in this bedroom and even the fan isn't helping. Oh, summer you're already here. What joy!

With love,
Spencer

Dear Bee,
This has been a hard day for me and I don't quite know how to share it with you. My policy with you has always been honesty and transparency and when I start adapting that policy towards others, and truly committing to be a confidant to others as well as you, I find myself full of the burdens of other people and feeling unable to share or unload those burdens with you. This is the point where I begin to feel overwhelmed - until I remember that as a friend, my role is only to carry that burden to the cross of Jesus with and alongside them.
That being said, today was full of tension for me as I heard the pain of friends all around me. Sisters and brothers are far more overwhelmed by their individual burdens than I could ever hope to shoulder on my own or even understand. I am so glad that I have God by my side in times like this, and glad that you are so gracious to me.

On a seemingly unrelated note, I am blessed by the way we practice this marriage covenant of ours. You and I may not be seasoned in this venture yet, but I will say we've experienced some garbage in the first year of our marriage thus far. And it seems that regardless of how the circumstances seem to mount against us, we stay together and don't tend to drift apart. Probably because we're both holding so tightly onto one another and probably because God is the strength fuelling the whole thing. Thank you for your faithfulness and for your grace. It is rare and I do not want to discount it or make it feel cheap. You are a gift to me and I never want to take it for granted.

I'm just praying right now that you give me a big 'ole hug later.

Love,
Hubs

Dear Beccah,
Today we started studying the book of Romans. I know that there are days when you get mighty frustrated about the Red Devil and it's quad-weekly occurrence, but I want you to know that while I may not always have the words to say (and not much of my male language can eat through the blockage of cramps and raging hormones) please know that I always love you and that these days are no exception.

Hopefully this brief letter finds you on a day where you are not suffering the negative effects of simply being female, and it makes you chuckle. If not, you better believe I am across the room already out of fists' reach.

Love,
Hubs

Dear Bee,
I am always happy to see you get passionate. Whenever there's that familiar spark in your eye, that ever-so-intense tone to your voice, I remind myself how blessed I am to have a wife like you.

I mean, think about it! Without your crazy moments of wild passion and fearless faith, we wouldn't be on the track we are on now. We wouldn't have gone to Japan and Thailand last year, wouldn't have gotten engaged in a river, wouldn't have gotten married barefoot, and wouldn't be planning a trip to East Asia this summer.

Hearing you talk with Charlie and Louise at lunch just for me excited for the years to come in whatever corner of the globe God calls us to. I'm sure that wherever it may be, I can count on you by my side for a whirlwind adventure. Here's to the years without fears facing down spears and talking about Jesus to any who will hear(s).

Love,
Hubs

Dear Bee,
You are napping next to me on a picnic blanket in the park. We just watched Oblivion with Tom Cruise, got Subway sandwiches and are on our way to prank my little sisters' room with balloons and ribbons.
Laying here with you is perfection. I never dreamed I would end up in a love like this, or to feel the way I do about you. But every single day, without fail, I find myself loving you more.

- pause - You woke up.

Anyways. We just finished TP'ing two little girls' room and felt very proud of it. We're majestically shameless. I have to admit how much fun you can be, Bee. Praying with you in the car took me back to that first afternoon we spent in the park together, the week we met. Your prayer have always been attractive to me, simply because of the simple grace and humility with which you approach God. I married a god-fearing woman! I hope we get to pray like this all the time - for family, for our future kids, for our ministry. It always make me feel united to you in heart. Let's keep praying out loud. It made me uncomfortable, in a growing and stretching kind of way. And I'm always in need of that.

Love,
Spencer